:-)

:-)

Friday, 18 June 2010

Sad

Today was a really sad day as I went to a funeral to support my oldest friend whose husband had died in a tragic car accident. He was only 36 and leaves a widow and two very young children. My heart goes out to them, especially to the daughter P who is also my god daughter. I left my own babinos with D and my mum and took a train, tube and another train to Milton Keynes. Took forever to get too and under grey skies I met with my sister at the station and together we took a short car trip to the cemetery. Today our twin thing kicked in as she too was sporting a black satin Alice band.Mine had flowers and her's had a bow.

This was the very first funeral I have attended - last year a beloved uncle passed away from terminal cancer but I was unable to go due to the twins being so tiny and poorly. The funeral procession arrived shortly after us and I gave my dear friend K a nod as the car passed us. The mourners were a mixture of work people, people from Uni, some family members and friends. As Chinese tradition dictates the older generation cannot see off their young so there were not many family members attending. K my dear friend was a shadow of her former self and she sobbed in my arms as I held her tightly. I felt so helpless. P my god daughter was so brave and I gave her a hug as I left.

I didn't go to the funeral to pay my respects to her husband. I was there to support K and her children. Her husband left them last summer and hooked up with a younger woman. They were going through a messy divorce where he wanted to give no maintenance to the children and was generally behaving like a total ass-hole. I know you're not suppose to speak ill of the dead. But I am so very angry that he got what he wanted, a 'clean break' from being a husband and a father. Now his family has to pick up the pieces. A lot of our friends did not turn up today because of his hurtful actions. We had thought when he got tired of his new 'girlfriend' and see sense again, she would forgive him for the sake of the children and would come back to the marital home.  K still loved him - it breaks my heart. No words were said, most of the mourners queued up to scatter some earth over the coffin. I hid in the back, I wasn't prepared to do that for him. I did shed some tears for K, P and T who turns 3 this month. It only took 30 minutes and then it was over and I headed home.

I was grateful D was working from home today. I know how very lucky I have been with the man I married, he would never be so weak minded and have his head turned and give up on his family so easily  - its not been an easy road for us - the last 3 years I have been pregnant for 17 months and the 3 tots are a handful most days. The only break I get is when I go to the office. But we are a family unit and have survived the near loss of two babies to become stronger. We are blessed.

So please give your loved ones an extra hug and squeeze tonight - xx   

6 comments:

  1. This made me well up. It does make you grateful for what you have. My heart goes out to your friend and her family.x

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  2. It bought tears to my eyes reading that. What a dreadful story, your poor friend. Trouble is my darling, we never think our partners are capable of caring so little for their former families but sadly once they are out of the marital home and their heads are turned by another woman, it is a whole different story, read Chic Mama's blog. My heart goes out to your friend and her poor children, lets hope she finds somebody one day soon who loves her as she deserves to be loved and is happy to care for her offspring as if they are his own. xxxxxx

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  3. This indeed is very sad. I do believe that the grieving process is even more difficult when the one that has died has acted in a loathsome way because it requires forgiveness.
    Having had my husband die when I was in my early 30s with small children, I can certainly emphasize with your friend and I wish her and her family peace and financial security.

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  4. What a wonderful friend you are. I do hope that your poor friend can recover herself from all this and her children will blossom. In some respects maybe she has been saved much long term pain. I hope so, she sounds like she deserves to.

    I find the male departure thing very interesting. I always say that men never leave women they only go when another woman assists them. Not all men behave in such a way when they do go. When they do the no money thing to former wife/family that reveals their true self.

    You are right about giving a hug to nearest and dearest in these times. I'm always grateful for having a lovely husband.

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  5. Such a sad story. I'm sure your friend was really grateful for your support at the funeral. Just terrible for those poor children who will grow up without a father. You're right, we don't always appreciate what we have enough. x

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  6. So sad for your friend and her family and you are a true friend for going for her sake rather then his. Hope her and her family see the light at the end of the tunnel sooner rather then later x

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Be nice and kind - only comments you would be happy for your gran/mum/daughter to read. Thank you